I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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