Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
