awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
