I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize