I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
