Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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