If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
