too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
