OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
