she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
