A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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