I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
