I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
