i don't like sucking hair
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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