Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
false alarm. still invincible.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
