she smelled like a LAN party
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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