I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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