dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we should paint friendship bongs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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