I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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