he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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