my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
