im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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