She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
