This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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