found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
