Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
