You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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