and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
