My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
