OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
