Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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