i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
