yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
