So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
