If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize