WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
