I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
