I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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