Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize