I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
