Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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