her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
this will be a night to untag.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
