I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
