don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When did angry sex become our thing?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
