Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
