Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
