trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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