i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
