Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize