All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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