I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
handjob tips. give me some.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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