then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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