The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
