Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize
