Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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