im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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