with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
