Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
