Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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