why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
