It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
