I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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