Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
