best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
