i barfeds in our rink
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
