dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
