My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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