In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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