we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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