Just fell off a train. Bad.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
