Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
