Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm at about main and main street
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize