I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
