I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
