ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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