Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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