if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
