She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
