I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
