don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
tell me about the eggs
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
