So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
