I can tuck mytits in my pants
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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