I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
