All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
