So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
