is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
