Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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