never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
