my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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