If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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